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Fair Trade · Carbon Neutral · Certified Humane

Ethically Sourced Vengeance

Revenge, the way
it should be done.

Ethically sourced. Proportionately delivered. Since 44 BCE.

We believe in accountability. We believe in proportionality. We believe that vengeance, like any product you bring into your life, should meet rigorous ethical sourcing standards.

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B CORP PENDING
FAIR TRADE CERTIFIED *cert. body does not exist
CARBON NEUTRAL VERIFIED ANNUALLY
NO INNOCENT BYSTANDERS GUARANTEED

Our Products

Every act of vengeance, ethically sourced from start to finish.

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The Proportional Response

Our flagship product. Calibrated precisely to the offense — not an ounce more, not an ounce less. Verified before execution.

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Artisanal · 90-Day Minimum

The Cold Dish

Slow-release, ethically aged. When timing matters more than speed. Unhurried, deliberate, served at precisely the right moment.

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Documentation-Based

The Public Record

Revenge via documentation. No violence. No confrontation. Just receipts — comprehensive, accurate, and available to all relevant parties.

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Transformative · Carbon-Negative

The Redirect

Your vengeance energy, converted entirely into personal growth. For when you don't want to do anything — but want to feel like you did.

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Institutional · Legacy · Est. 44 BCE

The Ides Protocol

For grievances of institutional scope. Coordinated, multi-party, documented. Named for the event that founded us. Our most significant offering.

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Mutual Resolution

The Settlement

For situations where both parties have legitimate grievances. We calibrate both responses proportionally. No winner. No loser. Done.

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Certified Origin Statement

Every act of vengeance comes with full supply chain transparency. You will know exactly where it came from, how it was handled, and who reviewed it before delivery. No surprises. No bycatch.

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*Certification body does not exist. All other standards are self-imposed and rigorously enforced by us, internally.