Fair Trade · Carbon Neutral · Certified Humane
Revenge, the way
it should be done.
We believe in accountability. We believe in proportionality. We believe that vengeance, like any product you bring into your life, should meet rigorous ethical sourcing standards.
Our Products
Every act of vengeance, ethically sourced from start to finish.
Most Popular
The Proportional Response
Our flagship product. Calibrated precisely to the offense — not an ounce more, not an ounce less. Verified by our Proportionality Review Board before execution. The choice of the ethically discerning.
Includes: offense assessment, calibration report, third-party review
Artisanal
The Cold Dish
Slow-release, ethically aged a minimum of 90 days. When timing matters more than speed. Our most thoughtfully crafted offering — unhurried, deliberate, served at precisely the right moment.
Includes: 90-day aging process, timing consultation, delivery certification
Documentation-Based
The Public Record
Revenge via documentation. No violence, no confrontation, no illegal activity of any kind. Just receipts — comprehensive, accurate, and available to all relevant parties. The record speaks for itself.
Includes: documentation audit, record compilation, certified distribution
Transformative
The Redirect
Your vengeance energy, converted entirely into personal growth. For when you've decided you don't actually want to do anything — but you want to feel like you did. Carbon-negative. Highly recommended by our therapists.
Includes: energy audit, growth roadmap, closure certificate
Certified Origin Statement
Every act of vengeance comes with full supply chain transparency. You will know exactly where it came from, how it was handled, and who reviewed it before delivery. No surprises. No bycatch.
Read Our Standards →*Certification body does not exist. All other standards are self-imposed and rigorously enforced by us, internally.